I didnt try hard enough
Most of my friends who are still in school are having their final exam this week. I spent the most part of the evening with Ryan who was studying for his Communication Network exam tommorow. He was putting the final touch into his project report while I was sipping away my hot chocolate reading the newsreader. And it suddenly hit me in the head that……..
I didnt try hard enough. While studying for my degree, I’d always made myself to believe that I always tried to my fullest ability and made every possible efforts to achieve the best possible outcome. Whatever that prints out from that little piece of transcript doesnt really matter as I have indeed tried my best. It is extremely comforting to tell yourself that you’ve tried your best when you get a crappy grade for your academia course. In fact, it’s like the Great Big Lie that everyone believes in, except you yourself.
Not until today did I realize I was lying to myself all this time. There were so much I could have done, so much more. I whined about not having enough time to read that one extra chapter or finish that last question in the test, but it all really came down to bad time management, laziness, procrastination and most of all, not wanting to do anything thinking I was too damn good for just about everything. And I was wrong.
Now, whenever I see people who looks high and low for excuses (or reasons…) for not putting effort into their study or what they are doing, I am not angry at them. Nor am I feeling sad for them. Sure, it’s not their interest, they have other priorities, too many part time jobs or simply too many curriculum activities. To be honest, I dont know what to feel when stumble across this type of people. All I know for a fact is, we are talking about 3 years or more of our life time here. I am hitting 24 next year and trust me, 3 years seem like something you cant buy even with a billion dollars and many diamonds.
Someday the difference between a 3.5 and 4.0 CGPA will seems so much when I reflect on my life 30 years down the road. And when that day arrives, I will tell my children that it is very important to cherish and work hard during their school days, just like how my parent used to tell me not so long ago.
Regrets? Yeah I have tonnes of em’ right now.
